Changing seasons

The thing about the weather in the Bay Area is that you cannot detect the changing of the seasons by the weather. All of the weather traditionally found on the kindergarten season charts just don't seem to match up. Summer was Spring and Autumn is now Summer. So easy to get discombobulated. However, what doesn't change is the shifting angle of the sun and the days growing shorter.

This time shortening taps into memories of Halloweens past and Thanksgivings gathered around a table.

My memories of Halloween jump from me doing the trick and treating to now accompanying my nieces as they venture out into the night. I like that I am there for them with their parents in case anything scary pops up. I think when people, especially children, become scared that there is someone/something there to immediately reassure them that they are safe - or would do anything to insure their safety.

And then there is Thanksgiving - a time also shared with my sister's birthday.

This year, I think I want to try something new. No big meal around a table - nothing to remind me of the distinct and striking absence of my mother.

I will admit that the Fall in the last several years have been trying. I skipped many classes - cradled my broken heart away from the eyes of my transparent grief. And now - it is appropriate that I am in class again - and ones in which I cannot miss. The exorbitant amount of busy work that keeps us occupied - fills my week.

During these last few years, I have built myself up to be this cerebral person - hiding my heart away. And I have forgotten how to flirt. This was something I excelled at when younger - but the thought of having my heart broken again by the loss of another has kept my off the grid. This will no longer be happening though. The most important part of living - is living - and this I will pursue whole-heartedly - even if it breaks again in the process. There has been a change of seasons.