Change of Plans

I was going to write an extensive metaphorical compare and contrast on a dirty car versus a clean car - but it can be summed up quickly.

A dirty car - windows covered in grime - despite quick gas station clean-ups makes you adapt to double and triple check while you change lanes and merge at quick speeds.

But a good wash - wiping away all the dirt and soil - suddenly makes your view clear and vivid.

Instead, a new inspiration has washed over me - unconditional love and shades of gray.

My friends have demonstrated time and time again that they love me unconditionally - I suppose the same could be said about my family - well, mostly my sisters. I find it fascinating that I also love my friends and family unconditionally - and yet leave no room for shades of gray of how I process how they feel about me.

I am good at black and white - people like me or they don't; I am okay with my actions or I am not. But gray exists much more than I would like to admit. Mayhaps things are not so clear - but kind of a smudgy mixture.

I am coming to terms with my mom. She has been on a pedestal and down in the lowest of the lows in my mind - it is time to bring her into a charcoal state of mind/mine.